As my feet rhythmically hit the belt of the treadmill, it briefly occurred to me this was perhaps the weirdest time to start my journey back to some sort or reasonable physical fitness. The treadmill was gently rocking side to side and I was looking out at an endless expanse of blue. I was running on a boat in the Pacific Ocean, well, a ship to be more precise. It was a massive cruise ship, slowly careening its way towards Alaska where my family would spend a week being tourists – taking pictures of moose, eating salmon for breakfast and wondering why nobody in Alaska we met in actually lived there.* More on that later.
I only ran about 2 miles, but it felt good to move the legs. I didn’t run again the next week on land as I was mildly concerned about being eaten by a bear. Even the park rangers I talked to agreed that running alone in the Alaska wilderness was probably not the greatest idea.
A few days after the trip ended (which was pretty cool by the way) I went running again. This one was a little longer, maybe 3-4 miles and included a few hundred feet of elevation change. I forgot how much I actually enjoyed running. It is meditation for me (also something I have neglected recently). I felt the mild anxiety I had been feeling earlier in the day sort of melt away and fade to the background. The world was a bit clearer and I came to ponder a few things I have written about before.
Cycles
Life is all about cycles. Happiness, fitness, relationships, career, burnout or whatever. We intuitively know this to be true at some level, but our conscious mind thinks very differently. We want life to be linear – a constant upward trajectory. As we get deeper into life we are supposed to constantly get richer, better at our job, more fit, happier in our relationships, etc. This is not reality. Maybe a few unicorn superhero ninjas can pull this off, but I have yet to meet anyone who follows this path.
When the expectations of our conscious mind do not match the reality of the world it causes us stress. It has been said that the root of all suffering is caused by wanting reality to be different than it is, and as I slowed my gait to a walk, it occurred to me that I had fallen into this trap as well.
Time travel
Time is an unusual thing. I’m not exactly sure what it is, but I’m pretty sure life would be pretty weird without it. The past and future don’t really exist, yet we spend the vast majority of our life energy obsessing about both. Sometimes this is good, as we need tools to learn from our mistakes and make good decisions about our future (like not running through a forest full of hungry bears) but often it just causes us to suffer. We perseverate on the mistakes we made or things we could have done differently. Our subconscious mind knows that challenges await us, that the inevitable “bad thing” will happen. This is really the root of anxiety – worrying about the future, usually involving things you cannot control. I’ve seen this in others, and at times in myself.
Drugs and distractions
Most of the things we compulsively do in life are really just tools to distract our minds from thinking too hard. Drugs, alcohol, sex, video games, television, social media – the common link is that they all bring us closer to the present moment. The other commonality is that taken to extremes they can be very destructive to our well-being, both in terms of physical and psychological health.
Returning from a relaxing vacation seems like the perfect time to remind you that there are healthier ways to bring one’s self to the present moment: meditation, exercise, music, deep learning and productive satisfying work. These are difficult though. It is easier to take the drink and scroll through Facebook than to put on the running shoes or meditate for 20 minutes. And it’s even more difficult when our lives are in that temporary (usually) inevitable downward trajectory. What we choose to distract our minds with matters. It is the difference between addiction and compulsive behavior, and healthy sustainability. This is why habits matter, and why we need to create them while we are relatively healthy, not when we are in the downward spiral.
Work
In my last post I discussed the financial benefits of working full time early in your career. I touched upon some non-financial aspects, but as I thought more deeply I realized I missed a big one, and something I feel is very important. For many people their work provides deep satisfaction at some level even though they may be completely miserable on the surface. This is amplified in medicine, and I have seen it many times in physicians. When I burned out from medicine I eventually reduced my workload by half. I am glad I did it, but I have noticed feeling less purpose during long stretches of not working. Although I prefer it to working full time, during periods of not working I feel the pull of unhealthy distractions. Some people may need the structure of work in their lives to avoid these distractions.
The real challenge though is that for many of us there is no really good option for something in-between. It is all or nothing. It is the awful choice between overwork and burnout and the loss of purpose and meaning. Wouldn’t it be nice of more of us could have both. Imagine a world where we could all choose how much work is right for us – finding that sweet spot between having just the right balance of money, freedom and purpose to thrive.
I will ponder these issues and write a bit more about them in the future.
Namaste.
*Almost everyone I talked with in Alaska either lived there seasonally or moved there from somewhere else. I could not find a single person who was actually born and raised there. It is a beautiful and vast wilderness up there, worth visiting if you love the outdoors. If you are actually from Alaska and still live there share something cool with me in the comments so I can check it out on my next trip! 🙂
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That sounds like a beautiful cruise to go on. I have had several colleagues take an Alaskan cruise and raved about it.
I share your sentiment that ideally there would be a perfect balance of how many days on and off you work. I have a 4 day work week but still can feel burned out. I think a 3 day work week would be perfect
3 days seems to be just about perfect for me 🙂
Past and present are absolutely real; we carry our past with us in technicoler detail, for better AND for worse. It informs us of how the world actually works. it represents knowledge, experience, both good and bad judgement. It defines who we are as persons. You only have to get up each morning to know that the future exists; you anticipate it and it arrives like clockwork, the only thing uncertain is what will actually be the content of that future. It is often fairly similar to how we imagined it would be, sometimes it completely surprises and confounds us. We spend far too many of our waking moments dwelling on past and future, not fully present and tuned in to what is occurring in the moment and how we can participate in it, enjoy it, shape it. I’d give a lot to be able to get into the heads of some individuals who lived in pre-history, where time was counted by how many moons had crossed the sky, how many times the seasons had turned. I suspect that life was lived far more in the present, far less in the past and future. How can we do that in today’s life, parsed out in fractions of a second sometimes? Why do we continually try to stuff more and more content into each measured minute of our lives? We have proven abundantly that more is NOT more, past a certain ill defined point. A life of meditation means that time is filled with less and less activity of the mind, and precisely (24-sleep) hours of judgement-free observation of what is present in the moment. Somewhere between the extremes is the place where we end up living; by what measure can we determine what represents an optimum balance between being and thinking?
I’m not sure there is an objective measure, as what we perceive as optimal is completely a subjective experience. I think doing the experiments,changing different variables in our lives and paying attention to how they affect our health, happiness and well being is the path.
I was not born in Alaska, but I have lived there for over five years now. I highly recommend that you take a run in the wilderness with the bears. Just carry bear spray and you’ll be fine. Let me know if you’re ever in Anchorage and we can grab a trail run and a beer.
Deal!
I found the nice in between for now by going part time. I just hope my employer will continue to allow me to do it.
And to keep my mind in the present, I’ve found that there’s nothing better than exercise and my so-called “extreme” sports such as climbing and mountain biking. I forget all my troubles, the past, the future, and just focus. It’s bliss.
Sport requires constant attention and being in the moment – its a great way to be present.
Hi! I’m @cedarnomad on Instagram who was excited that you went ziplining in Ketchikan, where I was born, raised, and spend 1-2 months a year still. This is just a guess but since you were on a cruise, the reason why most of the people you met in Alaska were temporary summer workers is because it takes a LOT of people to make those summer tourist jobs run so that people visiting on cruises or fishing trips can enjoy the areas and have experiences. We are a big state that is expensive to live in and the summer jobs often don’t pay a whole lot, so people come for the summer, work, and head back to wherever they actually live.
Next time you plan on visiting, I highly suggest taking the Alaska Marine Highway and having some great slow travel. It leaves Bellingham, WA, and takes 36 hours to get to Ketchikan. Or you can drive to Prince Rupert, BC, and then it’s only six hours. After you leave Ketchikan there are sooo many other places you can get to on the ferry, it just takes time. But the ferry is gorgeous and I often see orcas, humpbacks, tons of eagles, and Dall porpoises like to play in the water splashing from the bow of the boat.
Recommended for your next Ketchikan visit:
*Boat tour on Lighthouse Excursion or Allen Marine
*Misty Fjords National Monument or the bear tour run by Taquan Air
*Fishing out at Knudson Cove Marina
*Doing a kayak tour from SE Sea Kayaks
*Eating alllllll the food from New York Cafe – I often eat here daily when I’m on a short visit or several times a visit if I’m on a longer visit. The owner is Lebanese and the food is multicultural and just AWESOME. The menu changes often but there are always good standards, too. For breakfast, I highly recommend the chorizo plate, lunch would be the kebab plate, and if you are lucky enough to be there for dinner and the salmon poke is on the menu, GET IT.
*Drinks or pizza at Fat Stan’s
*Sit on the deck of the Arctic Bar and watch the local wildlife ;o)
*If you are there the first weekend in August, like I will be soon, the Blueberry Festival is a must-attend! There is a large handmade market, Crepes Bluzette (fresh made crepes with blueberries and fresh whipped cream, omg), a slug race for the kids (exactly what it sounds like), battle of the bands, and more! It is so great.
*Checking out the art at Main St Gallery
*If First City Players is putting on a play, they are all good
*Walking on the multi-use path out south to watch eagles and sea lions (and sometimes whales)
*Walking around Ward Lake and then get coffee at The Green Coffee Bean Company
And so much more! Ketchikan has no moose because we’re on an island. There are places you can see bears (usually Herring Cove this time of year) but you would be safe to adventure alone pretty much anywhere. I am often on one of the many beaches alone and have always felt safe. Any of the forest hikes I would just make noise and use your noggin. We only have black bears on our island.
Anyway, those are some ideas for your next trip! I am always thrilled to talk about Alaska or when people are visiting. My main business currently makes me the most money living in the Portland Metro area but I will be moving back to Ketchikan in five years or so, after I’ve stockpiled a bunch more money, but the benefit of living in Portland is being so close to home. I can leave PDX at 5am and be back in KTN by 8am, plus flights are pretty cheap. Hope you enjoyed your trip!
Hey Brittany thanks for all the info! It has occurred to me that I should have reached out to the collective knowledge of my readers BEFORE going on my trip. The benefits of cruising is seeing many places in a short amount of time, but there is just not enough time in any one place to really explore. I know a couple of people contemplating/planning Alaska cruises and I will refer them to your comment.
I saw a lot of RVs in Alaska and wondered if people drove there from the lower 48 or just rented them. Seems like an epic trip that would be incredibly scenic. Perhaps when I retire 😉
You might be interested in checking out Dr. Amy Johnson on YouTube about habits and willpower. Her approach is that essentially all habits (drinking, smoking, gambling, overeating) are the same, and she has a different approach to thinking about your habit that helps you let go of your habit without any effort. Very interesting ideas. I found her through another physician FI site- and most of her content is free. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eoEbbjZIyj4
Thanks, I will give it a look.